Who am I?

Who am I? It´s a question I have asked myself seriously about a decade ago. For my first Icebreaker speech in the Toastmasters club, we travel back to that moment in time. 

The short story is as follows: my name is Sven Goyvaerts, I am 34 years young and born in Antwerp. But that´s not saying much, is it? 

This year I joined the Toastmasters public speaking club for a number of reasons. I feel I need to speak from my own voice. Since I have become a manager, I have to be able to take the lead. I want to exercise in being present in the moment. And most of all, this club offers an opportunity to share stories. 

So let us return to ten years in the past. 

Play 

In 2009, a friend of a friend was producing a theatre play. A central image in this play was a large empty clock that was suspended high above the stage. It was empty because there were no numbers in it to indicate the hours. In preparation of the play, this friend had asked people she knew if they wanted to fill in the empty spaces in the clock. She explained how doing this would allow you to make your own image of time. 

There is a series of icons that I linked to the clock. Some of them are more obvious than others. You have the musical icon, reflecting my passion for producing music. On the opposite side, there is a knife and a fork to illustrate my daily food intake. Each of the icons portray a particular activity that represents my personal time and who I am. I completed the clock until I felt satisfied with the result. Then, after a while, something struck me as frightening. 

Fictions 

The assignment made me aware of how I am made up out of a collection of concepts or ideas. One can even call them fictions. Throughout history, people have conceived of stories that form the fabric of who I am, supposedly. There is the Superman icon that embodies me wanting to be a hero. Superman is essentially a comic book story. The love icon is informed by love stories embedded in my brain, forming a picture of what it means to be in a relationship with someone. 

In the middle of the picture I depict an S for Sven, but it is blurred and fading, more of a question mark. Is there an aspect that is really me? Am I simply juggling different activities or character traits, masquerading as myself, covering an uncertain center? Am I living in a big circus? These are questions that haunt me to this day. 

Exercise 

I have internalized the clock by now. When I wake up around 6 in the morning, I am reminded of the I icon in the bottom of the clock, without having to look at it. The I, for me, marks our oneness as a collective consciousness. It gives me a chance to meditate on this at the start of the day. 

As an exercise, try drawing a picture of an empty clock. Reflect on yourself. Design your time.